 |
|
|
It was a noble effort...
|
by Jon |
posted December 1st, 2005 around 03:40 AM
|
What a vivid story. Thanks for sharing it. This is Jon. Work is still great at Discovery. Saw Fidelio the other night with the G/F. It was AWESOME! Beautiful music. I hope you job interview went well. Will send you an Evite for a party soon (housewarming!). I bought a condo in Richmond. It's a beaut.
|
|
by vanguard.typepad.com |
posted November 3rd, 2005 around 02:21 PM
|
Insert Comment Here
OK...couple of things here: 1) He is young, and dating a twenty year old makes me think that perhaps he is even younger mentally than he is physically. I know there are some mature twenty year olds, but based on the guy's behavior, he was not one of the mature ones. 2) Because there was some sexual tension, maybe a part of the problem was one of unrequited interest. His odd behavior days before your departure may have been one of frustration over the looming end of his chance to hook up with you. Maybe he had seen the concert night as an actual date and had hoped for the possibility of more. Obviously Gerard saw it as that and hence had to mark his territory soon after. 3) If he indeed was into drugs, my experience with patients is that they need to find their rock bottom. They need to be willing to accept that they have a problem, and if they're not, having an acquaintance tell insinuate that they have a problem can seem intrusive. Only when recognition of hitting rock bottom coincides with the aid of someone less than family of extremely close friends does this usually go over well. He obviously hadn't hit rock bottom. 4) You did what you could, and that's all you can do. Unfortunately, Samaritans frequently go unrewarded.
|
Xanga Comments
|
by Konzertmeister |
posted November 3rd, 2005 around 09:08 AM
|
| |  HAPPY HALLOWEEN! |
| |  that's a really depressing story! Its really too bad to hear about him going downhill like that. Maybe someday he'll come around and maybe you'll find out that you were a part of it. |
| |  That sort of touches a nerve for me, having seen a downward spiral close-up in a close family memer and had some experience with one myself (depression, not drugs, in both cases, but a lot of the principles are the same). I think we can take it on faith that you know the signs of drug use getting out of control and that your concern and effort was justified. But you can't save everyone and aren't obligated to anyone to try, really.
I can relate to "Joe"'s remark about not needing to be "taught" (although in my case I was right  —actually I was, but never mind), but he sounds like he has some hard choices ahead of him still. But he's an adult and his decision, for whatever reason, not to avail himself of support you might have been, is exactly that.
I see what you mean about the disappointment. A lot of people come and go through our lives, most of those relationships are superficial or worse, some less so, and if you're lucky a precious few become really enriching. (And gays have to go farther to find their tribe to begin with.) It's kind of a shame when the circumstances "Joe" thinks he's on top of get in the way. Hopefully he does have someone he can turn to when he's ready for it (or is forced to get it). |
| |  Were you surprised by any of the things he wrote? If you were, then you did not know him well enough to attempt a drug abuse intervention. No doubt that your intentions are noble, but plenty of disasters have been caused by good intentions. **Sigh** It's a delicate and complicated operation, one that I doubt ordinary mortals such as us have the technical know-how to pull off. |
| |  You did what you could. |
| |  wow that's quite a story, daniel. but it's pretty common for a person facing substance abuse to lash out at the one who points out his problem to him. if he really is a drug abuser, his life must be pretty nightmarish. i guess if u feel u really cherish whatever friendship u have with him, then probably keep an eye out on him but from a distance.... perhaps when he really desires help, you may approach him again.
all the best, buddy. i believe you did what you thought was right. and whatever the outcome, you did your best. |
| |  mmm....thats not fun at all but you did your best!....Btw, yes that was my only halloween party I'm too old to play everywhere. |
| |  You and I still need to talk sometime. They say in the universe "nothing is either created or destroyed" your friendship still exsist it's just tampered with by the influence of drugs. The noise thing is inappropriate *forgive my spelling* I admit i have times when i was ...umm...LOUD and my roomates heard me. But we had that understanding but always try to respect that cause it would probably make them uncomfortable. But letting him know that you worry about his use of drugs is a good thing but that is all you can do. Drugs did not ruin the friendship, Joe is the one who needs to know that it's time to stop. Some people are smart and will realize it's out of hand and some people learn the hard way. I've seen drugs wreck a couple of friendships but i'm still there for those people. BIG HUGS. hope you had a happy halloween. |
| |  hmm - yeah, he WAS inconsiderate with the noise thing, but I think that maybe you were a bit 'superior', and Father-figure-like. Kids want mates, not judgemental housemates..... |
| |  Great story...What about his education? Did he continues with his Ph.D?
|
| |  Running off to work - but wanted to say that I am excited to see your halloween pictures. |
| |  I wish I could say I've had the same thing happen to me in order to sympathize with you but I can't. But I can say that I know what it's like to have the 'noise' issue. One thing that I've learned about trying to change a person is that they have to want that change as well and if one person is trying to act like the father/mother the other will only see it as trying to control him/her. I still haven't found a good way to approach friends about things like this it always makes friends go sour even though you have their best interests at heart. |
| |  ryc: mmm, I'm more a fan of astrophysics than astronomy.  And no, I didn't know about the New Horizons probe. I'll have to google it. Thanks. |
| | You did all that you could...the next move is his. |
| |  I'm not sure why, after Joe's obvious disregard and disrespect, that you felt you had a potential friend on your hands. If he did eye you up and down a few times, that had nothing to do with friendship. Prokofiev excursion aside, it doesn't sound like he took any genuine interest in your trying to get close in the way you had in mind. (Poor Midori is so tiny; I always worry about her when she's surrounded by autograph hounds.) In San Francisco, guidance is challenged and so is wisdom, often simply because it's P.C. to defy all reason in the name of liberty and the pursuit of happiness. So you set an almost unachievable goal for yourself trying to move someone away from bad habits in a city full of enablers. |
| |  wow you type alot!!!
now i know why your xanganame is a blogging horse! |
| |  As you mentioned several times, he is a young man and one day he will open his eyes and realize that he can't continue living his life that way. Or, at least, one would hope. In the end it is his decision to respond to offers of assistance. You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. |
| |  I think you did what you could as a friend...you can only hold their hands for so long..
ryc: haha small world! I have to ill will. I guess I was kinda asking for it the way I was dressed. lol. But I had a good time. |
| |  im not sure... i dont think i did =09.What were you wearing? =] |
| |  I think it would have been best just to stay out of it. He's an adult and is allowed to make the choices he wants to make, regardless of whether or not they agree with your values. Of course, he'll have to deal with whatever consequences that may arise because of such choices, but that doesn't concern you, either. A friend is only effective if his friend is receptive to intervention. *shrug* |
| |  Even though it's true that he's mature enough to look after himself - a task which he isn't doing very well - and he has the right to butt you out of his life, i still felt that his reply was quite hurting.. :(
well, i felt that you did what you had to do & you won't wrong at all.
oh ya, i heart Midori too~ :p |
| |  you did your best |
| |  Did you fall for Joe deep down? Or if he was not your roommate, would you date him at that point? |
| |  u r wise |
| |
|
|
|
|