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Halloween in the Castro. I had been dying to witness the event well before I moved to San Francisco. Then during my first year in the city, at the beginning of October, I didn't have a clue what I would be, or what persona I would dare to imitate. I had been toying with the idea of something from Star Wars, after all, the rotten festering Episode I was just released a few months ago. But I figured everyone and their mother would be walking around as Jedi, with dozens of Jar Jar Binks also stumbling around in the crowd. This sounded unsexy, but... wait! What about my armor fetish?
Exactly. I will appear as an Imperial Stormtrooper in full gear! I knew about the small band of hobbyists who dress up in Imperial uniforms and other Star Wars bad guys. These hobbyists were part of the "501st Garrison." The garrison even had a local chapter, the Golden Gate Garrison. So I called one of the members, asking how long it took them to make their armor.
"Oh, well I worked on mine for about a year or so..."
Nope, wouldn't work. I didn't have the time to buy the white plastic, dick around with the molding, bake the pieces in the oven one at a time, all by trial and error. At that rate it would take me probably two years. I would just have to punish my wallet and buy one outright.
I found a local stormtrooper who wanted to part with his uniform, so I met him, looked at his full suit of armor, then negotiated a price. The final figure I agreed to was so heart-stopping and outrageous, I think my wallet is still stinging from that day, six years ago. Anyway, I was now the proud custodian of a full 32-piece suit of imperial stormtrooper armor!
I had no idea how popular this armor would be. Year after year, I get mobbed, hugged, kissed, clobbered, banged up, knocked over, knocked up... anyway, it's one hell of a sight, as you'll see in the photos below. As you know, I never just dump a truckload of photos on my blog, so I'll also add some running dialog to read as you scroll through them. Remember to click on each one to enlarge it to full-size!
Assembly: It takes two to don this armor. There is no way I can do this myself. Here, to the right, I forgot the proper order of assembly, and I'm now trying to stuff my foot into the imperial boots, which should have been step 1. Click it for a full-size photo.
Weather: Below, my armor is complete, and I check the weather briefly before marching out into the crowd with a few friends. I would say that this is to prevent rust, but as you might have guessed, it's not metal. It's PVC !
Crowd Insertion: The minute we walked outdoors, I was attacked by waves of amateur photographers. This was the first photo that anyone took, in the company of a pirate (to the right).We then stepped back even further into our colonial past with these schmucks (below). Let's grade them on their costumes. How about a D+. I know what you're thinking: "Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?" Nope, they were just very tall I guess.
Land of Oz: Then Dorothy and the scarecrow demanded a photo opportunity. There must have been 100 people that took photos of this surreal encounter: Dorothy, the Scarecrow, and the Stormtrooper. Except that the scarecrow gets a D minus. Wear contacts next time!!!
Helmet Fitting: No one can resist trying the helmet on for size! My friend Simon seemed to think that it fit just right. I always thought the damn thing was way too big on me.
Rebel Scum 1: It was inevitable. During my tour of duty I often encounter rebel scum. This walking carpet dared to ask me for a photograph. Oh, what the hell, you only live once, right Chewie? And don't tell me that these ladies don't have an armor fetish...
On Duty: Then below, this sexy specimen waited around patiently for his turn. I gave him all the attention he wanted. Smile! Too bad I was on duty, otherwise...
Ballet: Someone thought it would be cute and funny for a stormtrooper to dance (to the right). I damn near lost my balance, but at least I get to show off the standard-issue imperial boots that hit my wallet pretty hard.
How-deee!: Topless guys seemed to like my routine, for I then got flanked by two affectionate cowhands. Anyone want to play cowboys and stormtroopers? Yee-ha!
Rebel Scum 2: The queen of the rebels herself! Beyotch, I'm gonna kill ya! After I scolded her for stealing the plans to the Death Star and then escaping from Cell Block 1138, Princess Leia and I kissed and made up. Note the heart above us, compliments of Harvey's!
This went on for hours and hours. Jedi attacked me, Darth Vader came up and demanded an update, and Marvin the Paranoid Android fell apart where he was standing.
I was totally exhausted by the time the police came and swept all the riff-raff out of the Castro. I retreated back into my office and peeled off all 32 pieces. The night was a success! I appeared in at least 1,000 pictures, I was kissed and corrupted by dozens of scrumptious California boys, and I didn't lose a single piece of armor.
And you have NO IDEA how good it feels to take off this heavy armor after a night out in the Castro!
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Pics
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by NY |
posted November 6th, 2005 around 06:09 AM
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Insert Comment Here I really enjoyed your pics- you were a smash hit!!!Looks like a fun night, as u said- lots of cameras flashing.store that armor carefully for next year!
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